Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Resolution and Change
Lately when I go to meditate I can't seem to still the chattering of my mind and go down into my body. Granted, I am out of practice, because I haven't meditated since early December (or even late November?).
But it's also because here I sit, 30, jobless, and out of money. Even worse is the fact that I can't seem to get an audition to save my life. I send in my application (and my application fee, btw), my resume, and my headshot, and invariably, inevitably I get the email a week later: "We're sorry, but you have not been chosen for an audition slot. The number of people who applied was very great..." etc., etc.
Reason dictates that I should throw in the towel.
BUT I know I have something to give and I think maybe I'm just not ready yet. What I want more than anything is to sing from the bottom of my very soul. That is my purpose here in this life. I have so much to give. I'm just not ready to give it yet.
My resolution for this year is to work diligently at my Yoga and meditation and creatively expressing my soul. I'm going to cultivate order, discipline, and great love in my life.
And when I am ready, when my body and soul is ready, then I will be unstoppable because I'll be singing with all of me. I will be singing for all of life, not for my ego.
That's my dream, and I won't rest until I've gotten it. I want it now, and it sucks to wait, but wait I must.
Maybe some people call it foolish, but I'm going to choose to call it Courage.
Until then, though, I'd better find some kind of income, and fast.