Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll

Okay, it's more like cleavage, pastries, and Italian opera, but it's probably the closest I'll ever get.

So you guys, guess what? Working for Vegas is kind of...awesome.

Where do I start with this saga of the past three days? I suppose a rundown of some highlights is the way to go.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I kept getting in your way in the show on Friday. I kept thinking 'they TOLD you not to go near the stripper poles!'"-spoken by a "little person" when talking to some of the girls in the "Love Kittens" dance troupe.

Rehearsing for two days in a club called "Lava," whose walls are covered with red faux snakeskin and whose windows are covered with red plastic. It's like being in Hell. And, yes, there are stripper poles there too.

Having a roommate who is a "showgirl." Her costume is made out of feathers and a red sequin bikini. Her job is to look pretty and be nice. (Add to this-realizing that showgirls can be smart and passionate and great friends. I have such good luck with roommates!)

Standing in front of the director of the show in a beautiful renaissance-style gown, and having him say that it needs to be sexier and that some of the front has to be cut away. (It has been accomplished. I am now not just an Italian singer-I am a SEXY Italian singer.)

Walking through the floor of the Casino, past rows and rows of slot machines, smelling of smoke, but smiling and waving and laughing and thinking "So thees ees what eet-a feel laike to work een Deesneyland" (ees my fake Eetalian accent dat I tahlk with all-a day and the people, they think I-a real Eetalian)

The director tells us to use "nice, daytime makeup." I do, and it is roundly agreed that it isn't enough. One of the girls literally slaps pounds of makeup on my face. The director loves it. She chirps happily "you're a showgirl now!" I throw up a little bit in my mouth. It's hard to hide cause she's currently applying dark lipstick with a trowel, but I don't think she notices.

So that's it. It's a nice deal-free food, free housing, lots of singing. I'm sure there's a lot more I could talk about, but frankly I'm exhausted from my first day of work. Don't worry, I'll have lots more stories about this strange world for you!

Oh, and the pastries part? There's this amazing confectionary there in the Casino that sells huge slabs of sugary things, and I can get as much as I want-for free.

Both Heaven and Hell, in one place! And that place is Vegas.