Monday, September 14, 2009
There's no place like home
I know what I want! I know what I want! I'm so excited, I can't wait to tell the whole world. Finally, finally, I've relaxed and meditated and realized that I've been cut off from myself for so, so long. I've been so afraid of what the truth is that I've shut down the true part of myself that I've been fighting and raging against all these years.
The truth is so simple, I could laugh and cry with joy.
What I want is peace and happiness. I want children and pets and home and knitting and husband. I want family. I've been fighting, fighting with it for all these years. All these things have been grouped in with failure to me. But suddenly, it's okay. It's okay to want these things. It's not failure. It's my true heart and soul.
Yes, I do want to sing, but I want to sing from my soul. I don't want to sing from fear anymore. I want to sing because I love it and it's a part of me. I'll still work on my career, but I want each opportunity, each practice session, each competition, to be a time to free my inner soul from the bonds that I've wrapped it in so tightly. I've rarely accessed this place when I sing, I've only sung from my head and my fear, but I want to get there each time I make a sound. It's a place of power and joy, and I want it.
And whatever happens, happens. Really, truly. I cannot fail because happiness is the only goal, and I already have it. My happiness will only grow, and singing professionally will either be a part of it, or it won't. It's that simple. It's been there the whole time.
I feel such joy and freedom! I feel like Dorothy when she realized that her true happiness and love was right in her backyard all the time, she just needed to see it. Now all I need to do is click my heels together and allow it all to happen.